Pauline's

Happy birthday to me

2011-11-12T01:23:00.001+08:00

Happy bday to me
Happy bday to me
Happy bday to me
Happy bday to me...

U have nt call for a week.. N it's my bday... Remember u r once there wishing me happy bday...

Sorry bt I miss u..

Will u

2011-11-09T23:52:00.001+08:00

Will u call me?? Will u say happy bday to me?? Will I meet u again??

This kind of heart broken comes back again...

I just wan to keep all to myself... I should say I am sacrifice with what I have from u now... Thank u....

Tell me why

2011-11-07T02:57:00.001+08:00

Y? Do u have to lie?
All I wanted is just so simple...

I can't force myself to love someone whom I don't love...

U can't force me to be like someone I can't

I can't help myself to think abt u

U can't control my hearts n feeling

Cause all this is not for u Niq... Is for him...

The awful feelings

2011-11-03T22:04:00.001+08:00

Feeling so low.. So lonely... So tired... So bored... Only left with 2 papers... I don't know what other kinds of lies will u still say to me in the near future... Y do u have to be like this? I just wan u to know. I love u... U said no feeling between us... But if no... Y do u still care for me do much. I am confuse... I wan to know... Just wanna know... Do u love me... I don't wan to know more or ask more... I jus wan to know whether u love me.. Just wanna have u to listen to me n have more time for me..

Actually was sad

2011-11-03T03:15:00.001+08:00

Actually I was really sad. Really sad u will say that to me... Y u just keeps on lying... I am totally tired of this... Wonder y no respond from me when u told me something just now... Cause I have alrdy expected it... Act like I dun care... U words like knife slicing through my wounds... Maybe... I am too smart to know so much... If really I want to know so much.. Just one call n que will be ans... I know bt I just dun wan to know that u lied... Fact is also fact... Nth can change... If I will wan to expose u out. U r long gone in my sight... Y will I harm u when I still love u... Y do u have to says words to hit me to the end spot... Y do u say so much yet care so much... We r nt in relationship but a trade only. No feeling in it.. This is what u said... Tell me y.. I put in so much.. Sacrifice so much for u. But all I have is those words from u... Y the person I wan the most by my side is always owned by others... Y do u have to use those words to hurt me. Y do u have to say those lie to trick me.. Y can't u just tell me u r a married man n automatically I will leave u... Even u call u bother I wont go back... Y do u still keep me at ur side when u treat me like that?
Last time when I know u lie I gt very angry but now.. Is more on disappointment... I always wanted to ask u... Do u ever love me? Maybe I nv gt a chance to ask... Because I will nv ask n say nv know...

not worth a cent

2011-03-14T10:52:00.005+08:00

always the same. Have u seen big sister being bully by her younger brother and get scolded and that F*** ing brother still think he is right...

sleeping at living room think is his place.. than ppl cannot rest and watch tv there. like no bedroom. burn ur bedroom away la... idiot... no wonder ur friends dislike u so much and u even got beaten up.. really serve u right... best got beaten again... and i wont help anymore call ur freaking father to help ok... idiot....
This thing really pissed me off ok.. Damn him lor.. Both useless freak... Kan le to fan...

Hai.. flying to thai tml and back on thur... sian... go there will but alot things...
buy cloths, shoes, bags, jie jie de thingy, christ long jumper, have my nails done... and many many... haha....

forget about it... i wont waste my time nagging at the 2 freaking father and son...

FYI: I am just like a worker of that freaking father. because he wont give me any benifit anymore... All i can do is just ask for more $$ and spend them all... YEA!!! no point helping him to worry and save.. he wont care... so what for i care....

What a BAD 2010 And start of 2011

2011-01-03T14:16:00.002+08:00

What a bad week... So what if i am wrong? Is that her problem? huh?? Tell me... KPO... Ya la... U are same as ur mum what... Want my dad dont want the 3 of us... Ok lor... But lets see la... Not everytime luck is on your side de ok.. time will change.. and everything will change... And you better bloody get off all this ok... cause if u dont. when my time has come.. you will not just fall lightly... u will drop till the earth cord... understand that... I shouldnt just call you a bitch.. u are a witch plus bitch... wu po... u know... hai too bad.. this com cqan wirte in chinese if not... haha... What i gonna write will be more nasty.. ok.... So shooo offf now... W-Bitch... Haha... Nice mane you have now (:

Woooooooo... And u stupid father... keep saying that she only listen to anutie sammy which is her cousin.. than he also what will he listen to what we say? no... he dont so same goes to him... and whats wrong of my age? i am already 18 not 8 or 10 leh.... if you really care is not by beating us... u think what? ah gong is president ah.... say what... even i kill u also right cause i feed you one.. tell me on this earth ah... i think out of 10k only 1 like u ah.... u go tell police like that lor.. see can or not... than if can what for have police? waste our money ah.... nb... jian nia hua...

so many to complaint.... sian... jen ren jia jian to lei ah....

i shall from now on smoke till i die.... thanks... bye...

wOOOOHoooo

2010-11-06T10:22:00.002+08:00

Haha... Can go out tml lor... Didnt know that today's shaun bday... haha... No wonder he ask me to his house.. haha...

Yeee... Tml go out lor... Woo... happy like crazy.... Ermmm.. I think today i am going to buy 4D cause yesterday i dream of numbers on the 4D result... lol.. Serious...

Later yok is coming and i am at office now.. later is either she come over or i go over bp fetch her.... Haha

Will update pics i think... Wah sia.. U know yesterday yok's mum call me.. Kns lor. i am shock.. lol...

got to go now.. bye bye

NOT MY DAY!

2010-11-03T18:55:00.002+08:00

Today... IS NOT MY DAY!!!

Ask papa can go back BP trim my eyebrown. CANNOT!
Ask this sunday go out to celebrate my bday.CANNOT!
WTF!
Everything CANNOT....

HAI YO! I DONT WANT BBQ AGAIN LA....

I shall give u the reason.
1, because i am not gonna invite many
2, Because My dad's wife say dont spend so much than house so messy.(anyway money is my dad's and house got maid to tidy.)CB her.
3,last yr BBQ many wasted my food _l_

enough reasons? Knn.. SO PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go; Going; Gone

2010-10-25T21:05:00.003+08:00

I am gonna go Genting tml... Happy plus sad... happy cause its holiday! Sad that i cant call my love <3>

Hmm.. What should i do there. tml go thursdat back.. when reach try see can go casino.. if cant than walk walk. than wed do my nails. thurs back.. short holiday! very nice(: shall colour my hair. yok say is good that i dye reddish brown... what do u all think?? suggestion pls!!!

got to go now.. bye bye... for those having holidays ENJOY! for those studying JIA YOU!!

Haha :( :(

2010-10-21T19:33:00.002+08:00

:( Didnt manager to do well...
Is just about the same as mid year. But then..... Is better. At least I passed my English. Over 5 papers today. I only passed 3... And As usual Maths And Bio!!! Maths. I really bad. But... Bio i just need 4 more marks. 4 more!!! Ahehhhhh.. I want to cry liao la.. I want bang wall and die liao la... Hopefully.... Bio... My teacher can help me pull up than only Maths failed... ): If Mr Sng is going to know how much i score for Maths. HE IS GONNA KILL ME MAN!!! Out of 150 I only got 27.. FAINTED!!! Haha....

I am Sorry Mr Sng... Just that i am LAZY!!! Sorry....

Papa is back update other time (:

AM SICK

2010-09-13T21:54:00.002+08:00

Fall sick by accident... Not on purpose.. When doc ask"So do u want a MC?" My reply was slow. "ermm... I think dont need!" Haiz.. Cause its about 3 more weeks to EXAMS!!! And That 1 week Holiday... I didnt study much!!! Thats the worst thing.. Waste time slacking. drag day after day!!! Haha...

Term 3 i pass Bible A1 Geo B5 POA B5 Chinese C6 English C6 Bio F9 And E Maths F9 Not even a E8 If Mr Sng going to know that and the things that i learn now is the same as what we did HE IS GONNA FAINT!!! Haha... And My result is a PASSED! If this was my end yr result i will be able to promote to sec 4. So is either i maintane or do better. Hopefully is better la.. Hahaha...

Problems in school solved. But still not talking much. Thats the best. If not i will be slacking again!!!

Family. Still ok. Just papa Didnt do well with his gambling.. Not his luck i think.. Hope it will be better after he came back from Thai this Fir. Mum as normal. Bro Ming Hui. Not really good just solved one case. Hopefully wont have anymore. and talk about this i shall say that ppl have no guts. Ask others to help and Scared ppl. Dont worry my friend.. Soon will be my turn(: Bro Ming Sheng! Veyr big pro with his SCH WORK!!! and He PISSED ME OFF!!! Lazy Dirty!! Hai.. Dont understand why he can stand it!! Than that "shi fer zhu" ="bitch" As normal lor. thinking of ways to get us scolded by failed all the time!!! She wont get that chance to do it!

Bf's... So far. Nothing much... Didnt meet cause NO TIME! and something i should say to u all as he dont use net. Suppose that last sunday i have to ask my papa for permission to go out say i am going out with Yok! But i didnt i just say i asked but papa dont allow.. But i didnt. Haha. And i told yok about it too.. Haha. And I know i am BAD!!! Sorry about that my love... I didnt mean it. But I dont know why i just dont really like to go out with him or go out. Am LAZY!!!!

Ok. I shall stop here.. Good night everyone!!! Got to go rest. if not tml cant wake up for sch!!!

Not good but WORST

2010-09-08T15:01:00.002+08:00

School many problems... Hai.. Shall put them a side... Sometimes... I dont understand u know... But i know that they think differently from us. They will backstab friends. act so friendly but said bad about u behind... The one who didnt talk much got in the worst trouble... hai... dont understand...

Ok and i am FALLING SICK!!! sore throat.... Kills me... So badly.... Ahhhhhh.... Haha... I am so sleepy... cause i slept at 1 last night... no oile to burn still sleep so late. than woke up at about 8 in the morning today... I just sleep for 7 hours which is so not enough... ahhhh....

*Papa ask me go buy Kopi-O for him now u know... Ahhhh.. Ok la... Anyway i also have not much to update. just some unhappy feelings(: Take care people(:

Should I contiune???

2010-08-31T14:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night... I didnt manage to sleep... Suffering from headache now... I didnt say.... Dont want to say..... I have been think so much... Thinking so hard... i dont think i can hold any longer... I think i shouldnt hold any longer too.... Not because i dont love... Is i cant love.... Too tired to contiune holding till the day when u are completely my.... wonder when will this day happen??? we dont have any near future... No future.... Just walk one step count one step... I dont want to be like this... Keeping so slient... Keeping so quite.... just dont want to hear you encourage me...

I really dont know what to say... I purposly push you off just now in the lift... You have not notice any thing wrong... Should i tell you... or should i just let it be... and nv talk about it... Really tired... I am really wore off....

tOO TIRED... WHO KNOWS... wHO CARES... wHO BOTHER...

All those dont

2010-08-21T16:43:00.002+08:00

I dont wanna see
Dont wanna hear
Dont wanna talk
Dont wanna know
Dont wanna think
Dont wanna ask
Dont wanna go school
Dont wanna be like this.

You are her's... Until the day that u are lawfully apart from her.
What about me? I am your's but u are not mine...

Feeling soo messed up.... I can feel the distance.... I can feel....
I keep thinking that is the fact that we wont last long.... Is the fact that ifshe happen to know... U will leave. If happen that she let u chose... U will chose her....

Hai... Why am I talking about all this... I should just put them aside... Wonder what should i think... what should i do....

yesterday.. I make him angry... I know he is... But everytime he is angry he forgive me very easily.... But... Me... Hai...

I know i am selfish.. And its obvious... He also talk to me about it too.. But i just cant take it... Thats why i dont wanna think dont wanna know dont wanna ask...

I shall update till here...

the things that i always wanted ppl to understand

2010-08-14T14:47:00.002+08:00

sometimes... I dont know... Just that... dont like dislike ans even hate it...

is about 2 years ago since i have the feeling of not going to school without falling sick....

yaya... in school... there is problem again.... and i really hate them to the max... u see....

if u dont like anything why can just say out? must speak in other language ??? not happy say la... why keep quite??? that means what u know... u guys and bitch....

i starting to hate going to school and face those bitch... anyway... they behave like the bitch at my house....

start to become not myself... say to compare each other on what kind of stuff u are using... brandeds... no cheapo things in my life anymore.... there isnt such word as poor in their life.... because they are really rich... because they are really spoiled... too many causes that become like this... u say u are not happy with the things i say. so do i. u thinku can joke but ppl can. u think u are cute so u can act cute and ppl cant.

so what if i am bigger in size. so what i have a 'N' level cert? Is that means everything i will know. is that mean i am a singaporean i have to know eveything in singapore? does it mean that didnt score well so dont need even to bother to study?

I should say.. What the fuck is that....

last time in ZSS... I dont even need to care what i wear. just a very cheap t-shirt and a short pants. everyone look the same. and we will not say wah... how come u wear till like that. I dont have to carry branded... cause i just like those cheap stuff i have. those cute little wallet. thaose bags those shoes those shirt those pants those things i have.

but now... Everything also want to compare.... U wear cheap... they will stare at u... wear what also cannot... so sick... so tired.... I know... they plan to go someone in the group house to do project. did i ask. i dont bother. when things not the way its should be i will say i will just say out to the teacher... its so simple. i dont want to waste my energy on those people... too tired...

things should be like that.... once a thing happened, it will have its own reason to it.
just like why out of the sudden she wont talk to me. is the same. impossible u tel me last week u not like that than sudden this week u like that... dont come here and crap so much. u think i am 8 is it.... hai.... say le also angry... i shall end here... bye...

.... Speechless.....

2010-08-08T16:34:00.002+08:00

Wonder... How should i start... Things getting more complecated....
No mood for school for years i have not been feeling like this... The last time when i dont feel like going sch is about 2 years ago... And now it happen again... I hate it so much...

That stupid freak at home ask me go outside work. Haha... Nice.. I like it.. So but in the end i every sat must go back... Stupid.. U think i go outside work u still the boss ar...

Hello now is not working for u and i am a worker ok not boss how can i decided when to tak off. than work 5 days only. u think do full time office ah... Wah bang....

That emotion that brings me along...

2010-07-24T12:26:00.003+08:00

Sometime.... I feel so despair.... But i am not at all....
Sometime... I just feel so irreated.... But not because of you....
Sometime.... Emotion just goes like this.. like waves.... up and down....
Happy with this but with that...
Happy u came even its late.. but Sad that you have to leave....
Happy that i can see you... But sad that i cant see u always...
If there is only happy.. how good it will be???
If there isnt such things as emotion... everyone living in this world will be always happy... and not depress... sad...

I feel so lucky to have u... I feel so good when i accompany me... I feel so nice when i speak to you on the phone... I feel so touch when you comfort me... I feel... so much... If one day u are not with me... how will i be???

I asked this when i know K.R.P doesnt want me... But... he didnt accompany me... He dont really care... He dont really speak on the phone with me.... I wonder... For the 2 years i am with him... He nv bought me a single thing...

But Dear bought me... just for the 1 month plus together... he bought me a shirt... A box of chocolate.... and some other things... Wonder why he cares so much... does this mean he really love me? He cares even what i wear... He dont want people have bad point of view on me... He dont let people bully me.... I dont know...

Some times.. I really feel like letting cear go... because.... I dont know... I am so selfish.... Only want myself to be happy.. But on the other hand... I am hurting someone...

I once ask him... do u even got that feeling to ask for break off... He said yes. But he dont bear... The reason why yes. is because he feel sorry for me.. He feel sorry for his W... He didnt say much... once i heard it.. my tears just drop... i started crying so badly.... After that he say he have to go fetch his W. so we ended the call.. That is when i start my crying thing... After a while.. he called again... he check to see I am ok... But he knew that i am crying. he asked me not to think so much. ask me to rest early... due to him... I have many sleepless night... when i think about him those not sweet but trouble want... Then I am unable to sleep... And of course... He will nag and scold. when he ask what u thinking that stop you from sleeping... I didnt answer... I just change topic....

Thats my love life....
I got to go now.. Bye...

Hey Hey....

2010-07-23T16:30:00.002+08:00

I changed my blogskin (:
I am loving it... babe...
Haha... Friday.. And I am so HIGH!!!
Yesterday papa got cruise... Loss miney.. DOnt know how much....
Yesterday.. Dear come accompany me.. So sweet... Even its already 9.30 he still come... x)
Than just now about 3 He called me and say about his bike stuff... ): Not good... Than when he say: ask ur papa give me new want lor." than i accidently say go and die la... My mood haven change back from friend to dear... I am sorry Dear dear...
Tilak... Chan lak ti....(Thai) He can understand Thai... Haha....
Got to go le... Bye bye....

2010-07-17T16:05:00.002+08:00

I ... I... III......
Wanna... wanna.... wannna...
change... change.... change...
erm... erm... ermmm......

BLOGSKIN(:

LOOK FORWARD TO IT. NUT NOT THIS WEEK MAYBE NEXT WEEK....
And i am currently doin my stupid punisment for my BIBLE.... Cause... Didnt pass... Copy chapter 11,12 each 3 times... Was like Many.... I think by the time i finish it... I may have write a short story containing about 10 000 words or even more... -.- All thanks to that crazy Pastor Nat.... Gosh....

2010-07-03T14:55:00.002+08:00

feeling the distance....

the way we talk.... is not the same... my problem... i know... i knew....

maybe i am not well.... not well prepared....

keep thinking.... one day... i am gonna lose u... cause u are married....

family problem bother me too much... i cant even have a slip of air....

yet... you cant give me anything... should we contiune?

i wonder... i feel like crying... everytime i think of u...

why... if i can die... i will.... i rather die....

2010-06-25T13:07:00.002+08:00

Every time i update... Is not a good thing.... Haha... Wonder why i only think of my blog when i am down.... Maybe i have no where to relise my stress... that's why....

but i am not angry... just a little emo.... Because i am thinking... Is he another him??? Will he be like him... guys love to sweet talk... So that girls will believe him... and trust him... But... I have tried once... I dont dare to try another time... I am scared.... He is a married man.... What can i expect from him??? cant be all his dote and love... Cant be all his misses and cares....

He show that he really care... but i am scared... cause K.R.P cares too... Maybe much more... But he minds what i wear... how i talk.... he say i am a good girl.... (which is so LOLXXX) He minds how people treat me... he minds how people look at me... I dont know....

How i wish i could die young... Haha....

Ok la... I wont ok.... But... I think... this is my life.... i have to go through this kind of life.... before i die.... haha...

Got to go le... Bye....

2010-06-18T16:16:00.004+08:00

Dont know how am i feeling now... Knowing that i am doing the wrong things yet i still let it be... Is not my way... Where is all my principle??? Gone... they are all gone...

No child is not an excuse that u can use to go out and find girls...
you know if she know will how... and i know u are married...
I dont know how... last night was a mistake... a very big mistake.... i shouldnt ask u out... i should not pick up ur calls...

what can i do now.... U are scared of ur wife... and u still want me.. and... i also dont know how many girls u have...
yesterday when with u..... the first call is a girl.... i dont know... i fee like crying... feel like dying... if singapore have floods like china... i will not grab anything and let myself die...

Dislike ppl destory ppl family. yet i am the want.... i dont know... now gan sis not in singapore, candy not in... who can i speak to? venassa they all... how can i let them noe??? i cant...

I really feel like dying... i made a very big move by forgetting about K.R.P i cried like mad... hate like siao... and yet... he scolded me crazy when i cry... what kind of man is he? can anyone tell me??? writting to myself... talking to myself... I am so mad...

always not in good mood...
Lim Poh Lee Pauline.... He is a married man... U wont be long with him... U cant be like that fucking bitch at home... U cant be a destoryer in a family.... u cant be that bitch even they did not have child... understand,.....

2010-05-03T15:58:00.002+08:00

BORING BORING... OFFICE IS A BORING PLACE....

And i am sick... oh my... exam just 9 more days and i am still like... nvm la.... faint faint.... haha....

i am very lazy la... but i will make sure i will do well.... haha.. hopefully... hahah....

i dont know want update what la.... like update also nobody see... haiz....

2010-04-27T21:05:00.002+08:00

My mind... Something wrong le... I dont know why... Haiz... Is it because of him??? I wonder... I think so... I cant confirm... I am scared... I am scared i may not be able to accept the true... I am scared that all the things i thought of will be real.. I know i have to accept it.. But.. i just cant.. I dont want to accept it.. I dont want to face the fact... Am i trying to hurt myself in this way... mentally i know i cant do this... this is my life principle... I cant know and just keep quite... And let it go on the wrong way... I dont know what should i do... If i ask... What will he say?? I got no proof say that he is like that... Not at all.. Is just my feeling... But... If i ask. I think the answer i get will be the same as the want i get the year before when i ask the same question.... Many things i knew.. But i just keep quite.. cause.. i just dont want to loss him.... I relay too much on him... every little thing i tell him... every little illness i have i will tell him... Everything... I hate to look at our past... I hate that fucking flash back i have... I hate to pass by the place we went together... Cause.. I will miss you badly... The more i miss u.. The more pain i get... I dont that feeling... When i got the chance to meet you.. I hope and pray that time will just simply stop here... No matter what the things we are ddoing.. I just want to be with you... Do you know?? I dont know... Every time i will tell my friend... the one who are not involved can see better than those who are involved... That is what people tell me.... Can anyone tell me what can i do? And what should i do? Why cant i just be as brave as i am in the past that i can forget that person and just treat him as friends? My friends are herer 24/7 to support me no matter the things i do... But i just cant... I tried.. But cant... why?? Maybe his sweet talking is too powerful? I dont know... Nobody can give me the answer.. But only him... Maybe like what HQ say.. Are u willing to let ppl say u are the third party? My ans is no.. But when it come to him.. I dont know... I dont want to destroy peoples family... Maybe his partner know but just keep quite? I dont know.. Or maybe he doesnt have a family yet?? Is hard to say... Haiz... My life just rot and spoiled... I hate to love... I tell friends.. chose the want who loves u.. and not wait for the one who u love and know that its imposible.. but what about me? I know how to say.. But i cant do it.. I cant apply the thing on myself... I am just that idiot... Just that stupid....

2010-04-23T18:41:00.002+08:00

i am very very frustrated by my classmate... Is very till the max... I am going to blow soon i tell u... Better watch out... So rude.. People eating our own food. u finish ur food already still eat people food... than some more think u very big.. everyone must see ur mood look at ur face is it... two words to tell u than.. DREAM ON.... Knnn.... I tell u i really very frustrated by that fucking bitch in my class ok... is damn and till the core.... damn it.....

Haiz.... If u all get to be her classmate... Than u will know how i am feeling.. even the want who can tolerate also cant take it... so what do u all think about me... thats totally imposible for me to take it too... i am planing to do something le... So damn hais.... and another thing is that not only me and my friend... even other classes people think so... what is this... u see... other class u know.. OTHER CLASS.... i am going to blow liao... very frusrated...

2010-04-12T18:24:00.002+08:00

recently.. I have been forcing myelf to study cause mid-year is coming... Haiz...

Partly manage to do so.. but some time no.. Too stress... haiz... some times.. is not just school work which stress me.. as well as family and etc...

ok la.. just to update and how lucky me.. i got caught.. and the best thing is... from the head till the toe... all got caught.. haiz... only warning... if one more time.. die... many points will be deducted... nice hoe... Monday got caught alread... i was praying that hopefully.. you know.. HOPEFULLY... this wekk will be a good week.. But nvm... School life is like that... haha....

Ok la.. I got to go do work le... Thurdays 2 test.. bio and maths. than wed bible test... Dying young... dying young....

2010-04-09T22:34:00.002+08:00

Haiz... I dont know what to say u see...

My feeling now wasnt really ok.. i am so tired of life u know... Starting to hate the person i dote alwasy as her attitube suck to the core...

Starting to dislike this when is not in my way.... Starting to taink of many thoughts when i am not ok... Haiz... So many things in my heart yet no one to say to.. Feeling so lost... What parent s do? My dad only know money and study...
My mum... always never mind never mind... Haiz... What i want is some one that can really understand me and listen to me and give me advise.... but some times... i may not hear or agree... Haiz.. that is just me... since when i will fully agree on something? study hard they think i must... spend money they think not worth... what they want huh... u tell me lor... sian.. i see also sian... i can say no one understand me well.. maybe can say i change lots.. as thing change and surrounding change.. i start smoking again for 2 months le... this is me... very rot.. slashing myself again.. so i can look more emo.. or can say when i show it to some one.. at least he care... i think only he understand me well.. that is K.R.P... only he... know how to deal with me... last time he will be there for me... bt now... is i am there for him and he is there for me... two people who love each other. but yet cant be together... isnt it a very sad and fucking idiot thing... many reason to why... but i will bw always there and wait for him... maybe after all the round i turn... my heart only have him.. tried to give up tried to hate him.. but in the end... i didnt manage to... casue he have taken my whole heart. and no body will be able to replace him.. just like even in the future i maybe have children... but the want i take away will always be my first child....

i think i should end here... look like bloggin have become unpopular le....and not much bloggin haven been done... so... ya i should end here....

Everyone please bless me will luck and good health... thanks u(:
I bless every one... with my whole heart that u will be bless with luck and health (:

2010-04-03T17:36:00.002+08:00

I feel so lost... I email him.. And from Monday till now. And i got 1 reply.. Which doesnt sound like him.. Should i call? Or should i just let go? I dont know... I dont want let go of him... If is him.. He will know who am I... But in that email.. He ask me who am i... Which means not him...I dont know... I am confused... Or.. What he mean is... He dont want me anymore? I dont know..... I really dont know.... Why so long yet my heart is still always with you... I dont understand.... Call me??? Will he???

2010-02-21T15:43:00.001+08:00

I am BACK!!!!

Ok... Many ask for reason right... Haha... The real reason is i dont know... But... I know something.. Just that my dad dont let me stay at singapore without him la.... damn it.. my whole week just at china do nothing... sian.. some more sick.. wtf lor.. fever timm 39.1 la.... u see die or not lor.... hai...

tml got presentation.. sian half... haha...

update pics on facebook mle okok...

got to go le.. bb

2010-02-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

I got a sudden feel that new year i want go clobbing.. Lol.... Cause papa is not in singapore ma... dont go waste my chance... but who will go with me?? haha... I want go... haha... i wanna drink like mad u know... but bf dont let... if drink he will angry -.- but.. i love to drink... hehe...

i keep on complaining to him that i fail this and that test.. and one line he said was...' come HK lo, u dont need study.' i got nothing to reply... haha... ok la.. late already.. got to go sleep le...

and my class got volcano.. his name is Martin volcano.. Haha.. Funny guy.. but.. very easy get angry.. haha.. so i named him as volcano.. lol..

bye..

2010-01-31T22:57:00.002+08:00

Shall I give up? i dont know......

somtime when those words repeat-ly came out from ur mouth.. I will ask myself... should I?

I think u still dont get me.. Still dont understand the situation.. Is not i dont want, is I cant... there is a very big different between this 2 words...

When i know u are gonna say those things. i again start thinking... should i? and should i ask u about it? i dont know... i am too scared to loss u... i dare not ask.. just keeping everything to myself....

i start to dislke u when u say all those thing... today say tomorrow also say...

i think u say it means u mean it... ok than... what to do... i dont know... how i wish i can not feel all this... can not knowing all this...

i dont want to give up... but u make me feel like to... ur pressure are forcing me to....

2010-01-19T23:56:00.002+08:00

shall post the pic i found on his facebook wall...

Am i in wrong again? He said is just a joke. I look at it i can fee is sort of a joke. but why? I dont get myself.. Why i have to think this way? I realise why.. Because this few days he treat me real good. never yell at me.. keep on baby here and there... i know something is wrong... when i asked him yesterday... he said is a joke. playing only. but the more i think the more sad and angry i am why why he want to lie? is last year and he say is on 2007? i dont get it.. i didnt call him today... i didnt get to sleep.. i didint get to eat... everything seem so painfull...

I hope my tears can wash my brain... wash away what i have saw.. I dont want myself in this way.. i hate it... i really hate it alot... i am so stress that i can any how scold people for nothing.. when my dog did something wrong today.. i cane them so hurt... even later i see i feel the pain... how i wish today will come fast and i get to school how i wish the night wont come and i wont that hurt... i am not going to use facebook that offten anymore... All it bring is just hurts...

2010-01-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Recently... I am stress of my study.. Hehe... Good or bad? I dont like man.. Hehe....

i dont know what to update.. so short (:

erm... over all.. I am stress.. Haha... Longer school time. But not as long as ITE want... Haha... But tired. Wake up early.... Hai =3

Oh and i am trying to slim down.. haha.. new year coming. so must slim down a bit... haha...

ok la. i update other time.... bye...

2010-01-07T17:52:00.002+08:00

We are ok. But today cause i added Niq in my facebook and he is angry again... I dont know why u see... And i am sorry that i have to delete Niq...

Ok.. Some times i can understand.. Cause we both are not in the same country and he scared that i will be taken away by other guys... I understand.. Is the same thing i feel when he is not normal... Ok.. I dont know..

Just ok for like 3 days? Than angry? Why cant he just say nicely and ask me to delete him or what? Haiyo... Why ar...

Nvm la.. ANgry angry la... I also cant do anything to stop him from getting angry.. No la. He got say before if i go HK and stay with him than he wont angry of little things?! lol.. I dont know....

Hai..

2010-01-03T04:04:00.002+08:00

i dont understand... i dont know.... really... i thought i care but all u say is i am disturbing u.... what am i to u? just a toy at singapore?

I care.
I love.
I do.

When u are unhappy cause u lost money in soccer match u blame me. I accepted. cause i know u are jus joking.

I really dont know.....

My tears will just row down when i see ur facebook relationship states....

Why u are like this? Some time good really good. but some time u are so bad.... Is it when u treat me good because u did something which is sinful to me? and when u are treating me bad is because u arre not in good mood? i dont know....

I dont even know what u are thinking... I really hate this kind of feeling...

I dont understand why ur facebook like to change and change?
I dont understand u have a old acc and cause i am ur fucking gf u have to create another acc for me to add u? Is it u dont want ur friend to know? or cause u already have a gf in hk?

I dont know... I really dont know...

2010-01-02T10:48:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to post...

School gonna start in 2 days time... Haix. *-*

Yesterday.. wasn't a good day for me.... it all started in the noon.... I dont know why i did that kind of thing... Lol... Nvm.. Who cares... I am just scaring him away right.. Just like what i intent... (is not my bf, is KRP) But i dont know why.. I just cant do it.... Forget it... I am really mad at him now.... Really..... I will slap him if i get to see him....
Ok.. enough of that man stuff..

yesterday... i slept till noon... Went out for breakfast, lunch plus dinner... Cool man.....

Than went kallang de shopping.. Boring.. spend $35 on arcade... catch 2 bear.. With $35.. Sort man... Nvm.. is just for the joy (:

Finally... I got my first 1000 in bank and first 1000 in hand... Woo... I save alot and spend alot too this holiday... My total saving is 2000. Haha.. I am rich?! Lol... Must save money in case anything happen ma... Right? haha...

Ok.. shall stop here... I am lazy ok... Really lazy... I guese i will update photos of my dog soon?? Hehe...

BYE

2009-12-31T10:47:00.001+08:00

Its the last day of 2009.. And i should say.. BYE BYE 2009.... BYE BYE to all the bad memories.... And have to welcome the 2010.. And hope/wish its a better year and a good year for all of us....

Happy New Year to all....

2009-12-22T10:40:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my house have two new member... Haha.. 2 DOG.... Haha... They are cute... Shy... haha... I updated their photos on facebook... Just a few shoots.... But is tired to take care of 2 dog ok... I want just 1 dog.. But papa say take 2... Than keep scolding me say this and that... Haiyo.. SO ma fan la.... Ok.. both dog still puppy. and they dont like to eat dog food.. they want to drink milk.... Oh and they just simply love to sleep ok... Haha..

BUT I CAN SAY IS TIRED TO TAKE CARE OF DOG..... Hope they grow up fast and I wont be so tired. cause by the time they are bigger. they will know more things like where to do their business, where to sleep, what can eat what cannot eat.... Haha.....

REALLY TIRED.... -.-

2009-12-20T03:17:00.004+08:00

I dont know why i want to blog after reading my jie jie post....

It make me think of the past few years and what i really do....

So fast than ah ma passed away for like 5 years... Time really fly and soon we are gonna say bye bye to 2009... And here come 2010....

Maybe just let me refresh abit of this year.. Start year i went in ITE... And cause of my sillines i can say.. Causes to police case.. But not me is papa... I felt really bad about it... For both papa and that ppl... Due to this... I didnt get to sleep for 1 week.. TOTALLY NO SLEEP!!! Than.. I slacked for 1 month plus... Drag and drag cause i dont want take 'O'... so -.- ok... Than purposely find a expensive school so papa wont want me to study private and go back ITE but no... He ask me find again and i found my current school... Worst.. I again purposely fail the enterance test in order not to get in the school.. In the end.. I still get in but just go to a lower level.... After being in the school for like 4 months.. That bloody thing happen... Dum dum, Venas Jie Jie, Yok and ah girl jie jie noe.. Not say only this few i think even papa and mama noe liao Just they dont wanna say... Ok.. I have a hard time to over come it like 1-2 months...I even do many silly things... Cause of my surrounding and friends guiding.. I manger to left it at the very bottom of my heart... I felt very sad and sorry for my B***.. Really... Than intent to stop schooling next year.. But.. cause of what happen... And i have made a promise to it... I decided to study hard... Haha... Ok... (STOP CRYING!!!)

Until now what that thing(not about papa want) happen... I still can some times lost control and go crazy... I started drinking i started smoking ieven Started slashing myself... To feel how pain it is... But all was nothing.. What really hurts is my heart... Taking soft toy and see... Looking at Small children like elva,joel.... My heart is like slashing apart..... I tell myself this many many times... When i grow up... I will make a place for my B***... I promise.... Ok.. I shall stop talk about it... If not the crazy me will come out again...

Things changed this year
1. Bed
2. HP number
3. Hp

New things......
I think almost every time go shopping also have.... Expensive stuff is just papa bought me a Rolex. Auntie bought me a longchamp. I bought myself a camera. When papa go Japan he bought me a head porter backpack and one Japan burberry. Papa also buy me new ABSOLUT^.^ Bought many new cloths, Bags And shoes for myself.... I think thats all.. Haha...

Jie jie.. Dont always say i rich girl ok... Is not i rich is papa got cash(some times) But i tell u his bank also dont have so much money as on his pocket.. Haha... This is true!!!

Ok... Than on 19/12.2009 at about 10pm. My BF told me something on the phone that causes me unable to SLEEP....

He say. Baby, When u can come to HK and stay?
Me. HUh??
He say. I go where always dont have u... I dont like.
Me. Oh... But i have to study what!!!
He say. WHen finish studying?
Me. 2 More years.
He say. OK. 2 more years u come HK stay with me first.
Me.(my face goes -.- ) Errrr.... 2 years later i only 19...
He say. U come stay with me than when u 20 we marry....
Me. Errrr.. (trying to find excuses) Baby. Mom say if i go she want go also (true) Can?
He say. Ur mom?
Me. Yes.
He say. Ur mom like play majong? If like than can acc my mom.
Me. Yes. she like.
He say. Ok. Than have to buy bigger hous.
Me. -.- Haha. Ya...
Than ....................

Ok... What bother me now is... If i cant go??? Haiz.... I dont know la.... I really hope i can be with him.. Stay at a different place. Be with someone who just noe me... But... My age.. Haiyo.. Why cant i be older.. Lol... I crazy liao la....

My solution is.
In order to not flash back.. I have to.
Move to other place where there is no memory of KRP.
Move to a place where there is no memory of when i have B***.
Move to place other than singapore, Malaysia, Indo.
Be with LAU KWOK MING TOMMY!!!!
Be with MOM.
thats all... Ok...

FULL STOP... I have blog-ed a long post. :) :) Haha
I just tagged ah girl jie jie taggy. due to that ThaN... I dont know who. But what that ThaN say make me pissed!!! So sorry jie jie... Delete that ThaN's tag and my, other than that why my link is in bold.. Haha.. lol...

Ok la.. Really have to Full Stop liao.. Is gonna 4am and my room lights is still on = no good....

Night plus morning everyone!!!
With love...

2009-12-14T15:23:00.003+08:00

I am selling this bag....

I bought it for my mom at $150++ that time near her birthday.

She dont like it much as she think is young and kind of small...

Suitablt to put wallet, Handphone and keys...

I am selling it away around $100-$120

Interested pls tag me...

2009-12-11T12:19:00.003+08:00

I dont know what can i say....

Dad lost $10K... Not $10... Is $10, 000.... 5 Months salary.... U have to work 5 Months than have $10, 000 Some more never spend than have... Hai.... I dont know what to say...

Who can he blame?? Maybe me.. But i guese is auntie... Since yesterday noon i think he complaint than ask auntie send thing also can send wrong... Horrible right.. Some more the thing she know want also can send wrong.. -.-!!! WTF... Is she on purpose?? Maybe... Tomorrow hope dad can at least strick 4D to cover what he lost yesterday... Please.. Please.. Please...

No energy to say some more... I haven even call my BF yet... Hai...

I just feel so bad... I very heart pain u know... $10K... I can buy alot of my wish list thing liao la... WTF lor.... Yesterday I also lost la.. WTF WTF!!!

No energy to Talk....

2009-12-06T23:43:00.002+08:00

i tell myself... Have to let go... Have to keep my mind out of that place, that time... Is all over...

But i just cant... When flash back came to my mind.. I cant.. I dont feel like updating my blog... When i have such feeling.. I hate it....

Can u just love me a little more
Can u just care me a little more
Can u??

2009-12-05T14:29:00.002+08:00

HaiYo... I hate my lappy so muchy lor...

It cannot read my memory card and the USB!!!!

Diaox diaox.... What to do??? Lappy dying liao..... I am poor!!! ):

I just bought one cam.... Nice.. Love it muchy(: Muhahaha....

I need Money... pls???!!!!!!

2009-12-02T13:14:00.002+08:00

I WANT TO SLEEP!!!!!!!

Yesterday as time table....

But i didnt sleep....

Many things go through my mind... I hate it when i have that kind of thought...

What pass have passed... No point thinking.... Tired of thinking... especially flash back... I really hate it... Hate it so much some times i just lie to myself said that its just a dream that i have dreamt before... But things arent so simple as what u people see and think... I know it by myself....

Bf and me.. We are getting 'colder' I dont know why... I think he lied..

what should i do? And what else can i do??

I really dont know... Just walk one step count one step...

I can say... I reallt love my bf... But i dont know what about him... How he feel about me... He complaint...

I update till here... Going back home.. I need a break... A rest???

2009-11-30T10:24:00.003+08:00

DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE SO NOISY... BITCH!!!!

YOU ALREADY VERY NOISY.... WORST PLUS UR FUCKING MOM....

So what i am mean??? Even dad also say that U ARE NOISY!!!! BITCH.....

Dont say about my room cause its downstair... Even dad can hear u talk.. BITCH... U think u are LOUD SPEAKER is it... One Day.. Within the period the BITCH stay And i CANT stand it.. U see. I sure come out from my door and scream.. IDIOT... SO what if Both you BITCH are awake... NOT ALL ARE OK... I AM NOT DEAF.. IDIOT BITCH....

Today dad going to collect his new car ^.^ The new car he drive.. And he will buy one more OLD car for that BITCH ^.^ Wow... SO happy... ASS.... Lol... OK I AM REALLY MEAN REALLY BAD!!! SO??? THey are not even worth for me to even simply respect them ok.... No brain I think even no butt to think.... Talk like nobody business.. STUPID!!!

Just you guys didnt get to see me yesterday.. My face was like 'burn'... 'BLACK FACE'!!! Even BF says that...

Recently.. I found out that BF is like different... Not the same as i know.... He's not at sweet as last time... But some time he is still.... I dont know why. I dont feel really good when i chat wiht him. Yesterday... when he wanna sleep than i say ok u go sleep. than he ask'you go sleep?' than i say 'no'. than he angry say 'hate you' than i ask why hate me than he say'you dont want sleep' than i say ok i go sleep.' I dont know.. Like he's care like some time have some time no... -.- >.<

He make me wanna go slap him!!! (sometimes) The bitch if i can slap i will slap until she die until she cannot talk until her face like pig head.. Haha.. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAH......

Ok i will update till here.. Must back to normal.. If not later bf angry again... -.-

2009-11-28T00:29:00.004+08:00

WTF la...

I dont know why i have such feeling when i know that fucking bitch mom is gonna come out to Sing lor... Damn fed up.. She already make people fed up... Than some more her mom.. Who gonna save me la... WTF WTF WTF..... Pissed....

Than today.. She like act dont know what fucking face lor... Pissed... Aiya, She do what me and Ming Hui will be very very very til the end PISSED want lor.... Still talking like NOBODY BUSINESS... PISSED!!!! I sleeping ok... Mother fucker.... She made me so fucking pissed and fed up ok...

I see how long you can act lor.. Say what dad's want more and more thing... Who know maybe is you lor.... BITCH..... Think u treat us good than what... PO LAN PA is it... Cb..... I see already also fed up....

Waste my energy la... Haiyo!!! Ass!!!! >.<

So sorry readers... I dirty my blog... SO SORRY..... :)

I am simply rotting and slacking!!! Oh my god.. No good No good....

I HATE SCHOOL!!! Can i dont study??? Talk rubbish...... -.-

I AM FALLING SICK!!!!

2009-11-26T10:21:00.005+08:00

Hihi...

So bored.. yesterday web cam with bf <3 color="#ff6666">
Loves.... Haha...

My bill this month $60 plus plus... Better than last month... But papa nag nag nag... Haha....

Today Ming Hui got his PSLE result... Wonder how will it be.. I have no confident with him.. Exam time keep want to go out than play play play... U think la... He can... Some more if you have read newspaper or see the news on tv.. Student crying about the papers.. Than he can say.. can la can la... U think lor... People so smart... Smarter than him will cry come out liao than he can make it??? Nvm.. he always say he can go better level and Will be better than me.. Than we see lor....

Than the STUPID AUNTIE... I AM SO PISSED AND FED UP BY HER OK..... The more i think what she said.. The more pissed off i am... What ever came out of her mouth... Is all rubbish.... So fed up.... Talk like nobody business.. WTF ok.. People still sleeping ok... You are awake so??? NO BRAIN.... Better u see my blog... Stupid... Things always anyhow say... CB.... I nearly being scold, killed, Throw out because of what she say... Ass hole.... Must write in chines... Cause some words i dont know how to translate to English.... Fed up... Pissed....

Papa buy new car!!!!! But not for me.. Is for that Bitch.... Ass.... Nvm.. Lucky the car not under her name.. If not i more fed up... Is under papa name maybe she drive maybe papa drive... I dont know.. Maybe this week or next week get car.... EXPENSIVE CAR!!! Haha.. I dont really like that car... Haha....

still have 351 days that i can go have my licence.
22 days to 4 month(:

2009-11-23T10:17:00.002+08:00

Hello... I so damn long never update liao...

Sian... I can tell you all that my holiday life doesnt change.. Just some part have la.... Haha...

Time table for my school hoiday...

Mon- 8.30am wake up
9.00 am go out
10.00am reach office
When reach office on computer,If nothing to do, will play facebook...-.- That all for the day till night go home bath dinner or go out eat.. than later online chat with bf... Haha....

Tue- Moring is the same....
Afternoon about 2-3 pm go home
about 6.00 pm get ready... than 6.30 go out...
7.00pm reach habbour front. than go cruise (royal star)

Wed- Off... SLEEP!!!!

Thur - Same as Tue but different cruise (long Jie)

Fri- Is either sleep or shopping(:

Sat- Same as Mon But maybe will go home on noon or evening...

Sun- No work. wake up about 11.00am.
12.00pm ready go out eat breakfast plus lunch. than see if got go shopping than go if not homed....

THATS MY HOLIDAY LIFE..... SIAN MAN -.-!!!

Ps. Will update my bday photo soon ok. I have already upload it on facebook(:

2009-11-17T01:09:00.002+08:00

BABY... I am sorry!!!!

I only love u... Just you....

对不起。不要生气了好不好。
我只爱你。对不起。对不起。对不起。

I Lim Poh Lee Pauline only love and will be loving Lau Kwok Ming Tommy untill our fate have finish.... I hope/wish our fate wont run out... It will grow and grow as day pass by....

2 more days to 3 months...

Feeling so not ok... Body not well... have not been sleeping well... aches... pains.... suffering.....

Headaches... Gastric pains.... back aches....

2009-11-08T13:56:00.003+08:00

HIhi.... My birthday bbq is OVER le.. Happy, Sad, Angry... But most of all i ENJOY it lots...

Thanks for coming my friends... Will upload pic asap...

Sorry to Venassa, Wen Xin and Zi wei.. As u guys didnt get to eat the cake... And photo with me.. SO sorry.... and thanks fr coming... Jia you for ur coming exam....

To jie jie and ah girl jie jie... Thanks for coming... sorry that i didnt and cant pei u guys... sorry....

Last yok chan, hui shan, ming yang and wen ting... thanks for coming and helping(:

Thanks every one for the gifts and Ang bao.....

ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY!!!!!

going to update till here... this coming fri sat and sun i will not be in sing... Hahah....

4 more days to my actual BIRTHDAY!!!!
10 more days to 3 months... Haha... Happy Happy Happy!!!

2009-11-03T12:14:00.002+08:00

4 more days to BBQ.. So fast.. Now not 15 ppl is 13 already.. 2 of my private schoolmates not coming.. cause they are flying off... Nvm.. Is ok.... At least there is still 13.. haha... maybe more or less... I dont know.. Nvm...

I dont know what to update u noe.. Jus that last Friday.. I buy my favourite sweet.. STICKY... Muhahahaha.... So nice.. I one shot bought 3 big bottle of it.. haha.....

Suddenly realise that no school my English.. DROP... Suddenly forget how to spell... haha....

K la.. Will update till here... I really dont know what to update....

r Done my nail For hand and toes

r Have my food prepared

r READY TO BBQ (:

2009-10-29T11:28:00.002+08:00

Haizzzzzzzzzz........... SO TIRED!!!!!!

Now all confirm.. Only about 15 ppl attending my Birthday BBQ... Is ok at least there is still 15 ppl.. Haha....

Later going cruise with papa and aunite..... I realise something.. I realise that when i am down or affected by something... I dont want to update it... I dont wan my blog to be a sad and emo blog.. So i prefer to update happy things than sad ones..... Haha.... Silly me right...

Venassa, Wen Xin, Zi Wei... All the best for ur coming test or exam... Jia you....

Dum Dum.. Recover soon ok... Miss ya....

Wei Qi.... Thanks for ur present first(: And all the best for ur attachment(: Jia you..

EVERYONE JIA YOU!!!!

Even if u buy lottery or gamble also need ppl to JIA YOU for u de.. haha.... I am just being silly today.. Haha....

I got to go now(: WIll update again... Haha.... Enjoy....

2009-10-27T17:36:00.003+08:00

Finally.. I PAID MY BILL... Wooohhhhhh... haha.. Papa nv see the bill.. than he jus give me money than i pay.. Hai.. Cannot call too much... Haiz.... I think he also close one eyes.... Haha....

ok.. than today.. After i paid all the bills i have to pay.... While waiting for papa at the bus stop... the road is packed with cars.. Starting i thought is traffic light. But no.. The jam last very long.. I waited for papa for about 20 Min plus plus.. Before papa come and called me.. I saw traffic police bike pass by and on the sound.... Than i think.. Must be accident at that time i only waited about 10 min... Than later papa call say over his side jam.. Than i say... Over here also jam.. Later h ask me walk up a bit.. than ok.. Walked... Ok than my papa go collect thing than still jam.. Is already about half an hour liao.. Than i say to papa this accident must be really serious if not jam so long.. Than he say ya... Must be....

Than when we reach the place where the accident happen u know what i see?? Tent... Is tent... That mean.. The person is dead.... Is a motor bike... And my papa say he saw the blood... I was like already very shock plus sad for that ppl... Than my papa say maybe how the accident happen.. Than i say.. Maybe this wan will write in today newspaper.. So serious.. Until die u know... When i see the tent.. First time i see like this... Hai...

Sometimes not u never drive carefully... So what if u are a safe driver?? That doesnt mean other ppl are.. Sometimes is fate that u have to die like this... So what if that accident the both driver is a safe driver?? Accident some can prevent... But some u cant.. Hai... After what i saw today.. I think best is drive car.. At least the percentage of u getting injurge is lesser than motor bike.... Car there is something that protect u.. But motor bike is u protect it...

I will write till here... bye (:

11 days to BBQ... I got only about 5-6 confirm... sad.....
16days to my actual Birthday...
22days to 3 month with bf....

Who will buy me a pet Dog for birthday present??? haha...

2009-10-26T13:24:00.002+08:00

Hai... Dont know how many day since i know my bill is $100++++++... But my papa haven even go open Panjang letter box... Die la... WTH lor..... This time.. I say first.. If u guys call my phone and is like off than u guys know already. So contact me through msn.... I am confident enough that phone sure take away de.. Some more.. This few days i go to facebook de luck daily wan.. My wan for today jus 2%... Hai...

The day before.. My bf make me angry than i also make him angry... Haha.. BAD... Than yesterday he dont wan answer my call or what u know.. Than later i say can we talk than this stupid bf pick up... Than when cal i say i cant talk long cause for sure this month sure over call already.. only have 100 min outgoing where enough??? HK got 2000min la.... WTH lor... SO LONG..... If me i happy till die ar... Lol..... OK than he call me... Than talk than ok le lor.... Haha.. wwe both like small children... Lol....

Oh My GOD... Papa is back... I got to go.. bye

2009-10-23T12:47:00.003+08:00

Die liao Die liao....

Yesterday i call M1 to ask my bill for this month.. (bill already come) How much as my papa haven go open letter box... My bill this month worst than last month.. Last month only about $70 than this month... About $120... U see die or not lor.. This time round.. Sure phone will take away already.. Die Die Die.... How... Hai.... I can afford to pay.. But papa dont let... DIE la....

when i tell BF about this.... He keep on laughing... STUPID... Everytime say i PIG FACE!!!! Make me on fire.... -.- than he everytime always=3=3=3 (smoking) haha.. I dont wanna spell smoking than everytime i see him smoke i will just type this =3=3=3.... Haha.. So lame.... Ok.. Back to my bill.. Than he say lor.. see u keep calling me lor... hai... Than some more this few days is he ask me call him still clap and laugh... haha...

Yesterday so funny him... While we will chatting.. His mom came back.. Than he wanna eat supper.. So ended the call than he say.. Later than call.. than i say later ur mom sleep already... than he say nevermind.. we talk softly.... First time he say that... cause last time when his mom is sleeping than i call he will get angry as he scared to disturb his mom.. But yesterday i was so surprise... Haha...

Hey my friend out there!!! Is there anyone reading my blog???? I wonder u know... Cause everytime when i see my blog.. no tag... Like nobody have been here...-.- I know some one who see and never tag... Haha... AND... My BBQ.. Still no reply yet... Hai... I dont know how... Pls let me know ASAP okok.... I really hope to see all of you... (:

Shall update till here... Wooh.... Long post... But most are about me and my BF.. hehe... Got to go le... If not more rubbish will come out.. Haha... Bye Bye....

2009-10-20T11:49:00.002+08:00

7 Nov is confirm....

I dont know what to update... I am half happy half sad... I dont know why la.... Maybe cause I have my party... Than sad is my bf wont come this year... As he cannot make it and i also dont have time for him...

Nevermind... We will meet each other next year (: haha.... Currently... I am trying to lose weight in order to fit in the dress auntie Sammy bought it for me at ION... Not as birthday gift.. But the dress is so lovely.. Muhahahah... I say only ok... Lol.... But i was like thinking.. I may not wear it cause it too causal already... I maybe will wear the other one i bought at city square... Haha... A bit not ok le me.... Haha...

Hope that i will be able to see those invited friend on 7 Nov... Especially Venassa, Wei qi, Wen Xin, Zi Wei, Sakinah, Yok Chan.... Hahaha....

2009-10-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hi My Friends....

I maybe holding a birthday for myself on the 7 Nov 2009 Saturday at My dad house Serangoon.... Will comfirm with u guy personally through phone or msn....

Will comfirm about it on the 1 Nov Sunday with u guys personally...

2009-10-16T18:44:00.001+08:00

I PASSED... BUT I DONT FEEL GREAT ABOUT IT....

i dont know why i jus have this kind of feeling... I am scared i may not be able to cope for next year..

2009-10-15T12:39:00.003+08:00

Just ramdomly update this few pics.... Butterfly to cheer myself up... Sunflower for a friend of my to cheer him up as he just ended his relationship and health wasnt good... roses for my BF... and the last want... Is for my family....

I really hope everything can from bitter change to sweet...

2009-10-15T12:17:00.002+08:00

I dont know what am I thinking now... Feel so uncomfortable.... I dont know why.. My skin feel so uncomfortable... Painful when i touch my face... Haizzz....

Yesterday.. Papa got very very very very angry... I think till now still... From morning till now i never see him smile.... I dont know... I am scared.. Although my brother deserve the punishment... I still felt real bad to see him like this.. I dont like...

I intend not to update want.. I dont know what to update... Haiz....

Tml getting my result... Wish me luck...

Will update tml i think... Bye...

2009-10-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

the conversation between me and the guy....

(12:10 AM) Pauline: hey....
(12:10 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: hiiiii
how r u?
(12:10 AM) Pauline: what is wrong with u and ur bf??
(12:10 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: my bf???
bestfrend??
(12:10 AM) Pauline: i mean gf
(12:10 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: oohh
(12:10 AM) Pauline: girlfriend
(12:11 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: i dun hve gf
(12:11 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: i dun hve
zzz
(12:11 AM) Pauline: zzz.
than why her pm like )':
(12:11 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: my pm as well
hahahahahha
(12:12 AM) Pauline: oh..
she acting love u only ar
lol
wrong
(12:12 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: wad u mean?
(12:12 AM) Pauline: now change is not lol already u col
cry out loud
(12:12 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: hah?
i dun understand
(12:13 AM) Pauline: i say she acting love u only is it
(12:13 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: nooooooo
i dun knw lah
herrrr
u ask her
(12:13 AM) Pauline: crazy
none of my business i go ask
(12:13 AM) Pauline: ur brain ok or not?
(12:14 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: haahaha
(12:15 AM) Pauline: not funny
u two ar
(12:15 AM) Pauline: i only got one word to say about u both
CRAZY
waste time only
love than together la
stupid
(12:15 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: hah????
(12:16 AM) Pauline: u dont understand english huh
(12:16 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: u nt hepi is it?
jeluz is it?
haha
(12:16 AM) Pauline: need u care is it if i am jealous or not happy
-.-
(12:16 AM) hollaz_07@yahoo.: wahhh
now u cruel oredy ah
(12:17 AM) Pauline: cannot treat u too good
u got lover liao wat

Than the girl ask me... U sure his pm talking want is me ar? Than i say la.. I dont know thats why i ask right... Really stupid... Than later i show her the conversation than she nv say anythin lor... Damn fed up.. CRAZY....

2009-10-10T11:15:00.002+08:00

Hihi....

Yesterday night... Hai.. Dum dum u know... My advice to everyone... Dont see ppl msn de pm than busybody... This will cause u lots of trouble and causes the other party to misunderstand u.... I think... They are too young.. 14-16 only... Still will abit childish... Lol... I later post the conversation to show u all... By just asking my friend DL me... I was like -.- WTF... I just ask than she like got angry... Like she mean i say the thing that i ask the guy... -.- English fail.... Maybe i nv say properly.... than misunderstand.. Forget it... Too busybody and never say properly what i wanna ask.. Causes this.. So is MY FAULT....

Didnt manage to sleep last night... I than fall asleep at about nearly 5 am and wake up about 9 today... 4 hours... And i am now typing letter... Hope no error... Haha..

My eyes.. Poping out.. Muhahaha.. I think my dad office printer also nv sleep well... Working so slow.... Lol... I am so lame... Haha....

Hopefully.. Today 4D papa will strick one big one... I see his face like thinking many problems.. I think almost all is MONEY$$$....

I will update till here.... Update about the conversation later... Bye(:

2009-10-09T17:13:00.002+08:00

Hi...

Exams are over now... Wohhoooooo... Muhahahaha....

But result must wait till Monday and Tuesday can see paper.. Than Friday than report book... Worry... Haha... I scared i may not make it....

Recently not much things have happen to me.. Jus that my dear boyfriend is not free and i feel lonely at night... But lucky need to study for exams... If not... I will go CRAZY!!! Haha...

Suddenly dont know what to update.. Oh ya... Venassa Guak Wee Kee.... All the best for ur trip(: Enjoy yourself there and PHOTOS too... Haha....

1 More week to result... 9 more days to 2 months.... And 1 month 3 days to my birthday.. Haha.. lol...

Gonna update till here... Bye bye....

2009-09-30T23:10:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone..

Exams all the way next week... And i am getting sick.. My brian now is full of things for bible.. and science...

I think this time.. i did badly for my chinese ans also my english paper.. I sort of write out of point.. dead...

I dont ask for more.. maybe jus a pass will do... not all subject but over it must state passed...

Family recently have many problems.. my dad gone crazy.. my mom gone hack caring... me going crazy and both brothers were in their wonder land....

Wishing to leave here to start afresh.. And dum dum scolded me for this... haha....

my bf asked me to leave here and go hk stay with him.. he noe my problem.. i even cried infront of him when we were using web cam...

jus really hope things will goes on smoothly this time round... i am tired and sick of all this problem of my family..

2009-09-25T17:47:00.002+08:00

Oh my god... Next week i am having my first paper liao... And it also mean that i am goint to holiday liao... Sian diao man... So fast.. Its coming to another year end.. and soon we will have to say bye bye to 2009 and welcome 2010...

Life was normal.. Jus today not normal.. Haha... After school went OG with auntie to buy bedsheet and other home stuffs.. Than mom called.... She say alot of thing about her phone bill that i dont even know what she was talking.. She dont even know how to read and she expect me to know how her bill look like and what is printed on it... damn it.. She make me on fire... Than i say.. u think i know how and what the bill wirte is it... Stupid la... Than she call my brother to read to me.. damn stupid lor.. Her bill only need to pay $30++ but because her incoming is $700++ than i also dont know la... only got one word to descirbe her is STUPID...

Last time those who know me wan will know i stand more on my mom side than my dad side.. But after something real serious happen that cause me to stay at serangoon... I start to dislike her.. Not because she cause me to stay at serangoon.. Is cause of that problem she fiinds and created...

I really hope i can dont care... Just do my stuffs.. Study, Shopping, Eat, Play, Sleep, Shit, etc... She always have those rubbish reason.. But its all really rubbish I can tell u this.... I really got fed up.... My exams are coming... Pls la... Dont add on to my stress already ok.... If u all think from NT suddenly change to study EXPRESS is easy u try lor...

2009-09-23T20:52:00.003+08:00

I dint noe what i am feeling now... Felt so bad... Totally no mood... What i wan?? I dont noe...

Maybe all i wan is jus speak to him...

I dont know what to say... I just noe he is busy busy busy....

I noe.. He said his mind and heart is only me.. And even he is busy.. He will still think ok me...

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WHAT TO SAY... I JUS WANNA BE WITH HIM!!!!

2009-09-22T18:30:00.002+08:00

Went back ZSS... Damn long till my turn as i am the last... Got $10 popular voucher... So lame ok....

From about 1.30 to 4.15 .. so long... -.- Chat with nani... Things changes.. People arround also change....

next week exam.. i want die liao la...

help help help!!!

No mood to update la... Bye!!!

2009-09-21T15:21:00.003+08:00

Tml sch again.. And i am leaving sch early... Happy Happy.. Muhahahahah...

Tml going back ZSS.... Still nobody tag me about the thing i wonder on my last post....

kind of bored this few days... I slept at nearly 4 cause i hope my bf will online.. but no... he mus be real busy and tired.... Called him yesterday in the noon.... he pick up.. was super happy. but i acted a very sad sound.. Haha.. He than 'hong'me... So nice... love him so muchy.. Muhahahah... This few days.. He is busy and i am bored.. Nvm.. Its ok...

Dont know why i suddenly dreamt of the sence after the OP.... I cried again.. Sad... Felt so bad and sorry.....

Worry i wont be able to have child next time... worries!!

My bf love babies.. And want babies...

Yok chan even witness what he said to me in the msn.. haha... that time i ask him what is he doing when i see him through cam... he said he is chatting with his uk friend... than he say his friend ask him when go back uk.. than i ask him.. u go with ur mom only? than he reply.. no.. with u... So sweet(:

K la.. i will update till here.. The story never ends.. So shall continue on my next post...

EXAM COING... :s

2009-09-19T00:48:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone.... Sorry for not updating for some times... The following weeks or a month i may not update many times.. As my exams are come.... :x My first paper is on the 29Sept and the last paper is on the 9 Oct... Fainted... Dum Dum.. Dont worry...I have already start studying.. Haha.. Hopefully I can pass and got promoted to Sec 3....

Updates of photo taken during the dinner... Fun.. Hot... And bored??/ Lol.. Ok.. Pics up... Haha...

My this coming week time table is like pack like HELL!!!! Mon is a public hoilday.. Maybe will be at Malaysia... Not sure!!! Tue School.. Presentation for Literature.. Than i will have to leave sch at 12.50 as I have to reach ZSS at 1.30... Oh ya...I recived a letter from ZSS about awards day... Is that mean only the awards winner get the letter or is the ex-student?? I am BLUR by the office teacher there.. Hahah....

EXAMS COMING = PIMPLES COMING!!!

Lol... Haha... Night.. Gonna go sleep.. Damn tired.. And i got caught sleeping in class by my form teacher... Haha.. So 'malu'.. Haha.....

1 month.... :)

Getting fatter... Faint... WANT LOSS WEIGHT!!!!

TAKE CARE EVERYONE!!!

2009-09-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

I am no longer staying at PANJANG....

I will miss all my friends... Do meet up ok my panjang friends...

The worst thing i never thought have happen... I am going to stay at Serangoon...

2009-09-10T11:31:00.001+08:00

It has been 72 days since that day... Suddenly think.. Felt real sad.. Even i never think.. Its still in my heart..

Family having big problem.. Things will change.. And I am moving.. No longer in panjang... Sad.. Hai...

But.. This thing... I last time already know it will happen.. Its jus soon or later....

Bf.... Can you dont like this?? Pls... I already have many problems...

2009-09-09T10:44:00.003+08:00

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT U WANT????

PLS DONT LIKE THIS CAN???

ITS PAINFULL......

Going to cut my hair short like when i am sec 3... haha... My hair now is totally HORRIBLE....

2009-09-08T13:02:00.001+08:00

I think... We are over... He is angry.. And is me the one who make him angry but jus a 'really'... I dont know..

Hai... Less than 1 month... i make him angry... How to last long??? Faint liao la....

2009-09-07T18:14:00.000+08:00

recently... I did many foolish things... I dont know how to say or put it... Dont really feel good.... Some times i dont even know what am i think...

Lost... He is busy.. no time for me... but.. yesterday.. jus a 2 words sms.. he called... I dont get it... Jus 2 words some one taught me... previously... no matter how many words i send.. no reply mean no reply... I dont get it...

Damn fuck up... damn pissed.. What the hell is this... I dont understand...

I jus wan to live good.. have fun thats all.. this is life.. simply tired of that.. Knn... How i wish i can exchange my life with those who want to live longer...

2009-09-06T02:58:00.002+08:00

Still trying to get use to not replying and not answering...

Baby.. I dont know will u remember my blog link... but i am still going to post about us...

i miss him too much today... that when i look at his photos.. my tears row down.. yes.. i cry for him... but when i take my phone and want to call him.. i stop... i dont know if i call.. will he get angry?? i think or most likely is a yes... Our chatting time become lesser... i am scared... i am worry... afaird to loss him... i am deeply in love with him... i know i am still young.. i know i cant expect too much... i know i have to be understanding... but some times... i jus need some sweet talk from him and thats enough...

maybe he dont believe me... as we jus know each other... as our relationship is not stable... But all i can say is i really treat this relationship seriouly.. I dont know la... I am lost...

2009-09-04T15:51:00.000+08:00

I dont understand
I dont get it

Why when u cant make it u still tell me that u can???

I really hate it.. Its the second time already.. everytime i wait.. i wait longer than before... from a few minutes to about half an hour to an hour than to a few hours....

If u not sure u can or not.. Please i beg u or whatever... Dont tell me u can.. I am disappointed u know... anyway.. I also dont think u remember my blog link.. I dont know la...

is too much and i have fallen deep enough to let me get sad over u... and it become easier and easier...

Understand u are a busy man.. But please ok.. Dont tell me u can next time when u not sure u can or not.. I dont like..

Sometime.. u make me think that u are just entertaining me.. but sometime... no.. I dopnt know.. U make me damn fucking confuess... IS hard.. I know.. Is more harder when we are so far.. I really treasure u alot... All i wish is u can treasure me like how much i treasure u.... Thats all i wish...

2009-09-01T11:55:00.001+08:00

oh my god.. I have not been updating my blog since my last post..
Everything goes on smoothly nowadays... Was damn happy about it..
Jus have my class party yesterday and i am tan.. My god.. My skin.. No longer white liao... I want to faint liao lor..
After the sun BBQ me yesterday at East Coast.. My arm, face and neck is RED... Gosh.. till now still a bit red man... How long do i need to take in order to be white like last time... Haha....

He is nice.. We are fine... Hopefully thing goes on like this...

Will upload those photos taken soon.. Cause now i not at panjang... Haha...

Anyway.. Happy teachers day to all teacher.... Even those i dislike want...

2009-08-25T21:02:00.001+08:00

the guy with black shirt....

PAULINE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY....

HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE IS UP TO... HE ASKED ME CAN ADD MY FRIENDS THAN I SAID OK.. SO.. EVERYONE.... IF HE TRY SWEET TALKING WITH U... PLS TAG ME....

2009-08-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

Kind of down today.... Dont noe why... Dum dum jus keep telling me.. Dont expect too much from a person... Maybe i am expecting too much from him... I dont noe... Dont really noe why things suddenly goes like this...

Sometimes.. seeing him online.. mak me think.. should i pm him first? Or i shouldnt?? Should i wait for KRP? I dont noe... Maybe waiting isnt my way of living... Maybe i am too scared of empty hopes again... I started to have less expectation from guys... Cause at my age kind... Even i meet a guy which is about 20 some thing... They wont take the relationship seriously... Some will.. But most wont... KRP use to tell me that when i am 21.. We will go ROM... But.. do u think is possible now?? He break not jus one promises.. But many.. Many till even i use my hand and feet to count also not enough...

Recently... I found a guy.. Which is the same age as KRP.. And we are now couple... But when time.. I start to think.. Am i trying to take him as an replacement of KRP?? They are two different ppl...

But than i realise I am not.. He touches my heart... He make me feel that i am love... Maybe i am thinking too much... I dont noe... I jus wan to have a better and happier life... Thats all... Money isnt really the matter... Now.. all i wan is happiness and better health...

2009-08-23T16:40:00.000+08:00

hope time can slow down... Or maybe stop here?? Lol.. I always like this wan la.... Damn it.. Sian la...

Dont noe is i bad luck or what... I yesterday buy cam spoiled... Damn CB wan lor..

Than today eat sweet.. but my tongue.... Damn it...

Update tml..Byebye...

2009-08-20T20:15:00.000+08:00

Overdue photos...

And i changed my phone.. although is not the wan i wanted it.. But its nice too(:

Will update till here.. And one very shocking news to share... My worst result i ever get for maths is today... 0.5over 30... There is a reason to it...

2009-08-19T19:27:00.000+08:00

Tml english project i also dont noe howup... Fainting... My lappy cant read my phone menory card.. Damn fuck up....

Want to upload photos also cannot already la... Errrr....

TOday went ION with auntie sammy... Muhaha.. She bought me a dress which cost about $100.. Thank u so much auntie sammy.. Than i bought myself a filp-flop for $59.90.... Nice.. And its in PINK... Wowoowowooww.....

Haha... But am half worry half angry half sad now.... Worry and sngry cause my someone say will call at 5.. but till now still no call and no reply of sms and nv online msn... sad cause of something else.... Hai...I dont noe what can i do or what should i do now...

I am so... Dont noe how to say my mood now...

2009-08-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

today... Happy..

Bought my new bed frame.. And one more is papa also buy me a new watch.... Haha...

will upload photos once i arrange my bed nicely and the watch once i am free ok.. hahaha.

Tml will be another good day.. But project is gonna due.. Keep enjoying but nv work... than now rushing lol..

not gonna update more...

2009-08-17T19:35:00.000+08:00

So tired today.. Cause yesterday i sleep at about 2 am... Haha.. My eyes soon gonna close le...

So tired..

My friend quting school.. So sad... Will miss her...

Hopefully this week will be a good week... Haha..

maybe tml going IKEA with papa to buy my bed frame... Haha...

than wed going to meet auntie sammy than she is going to bring me out to eat SUSHI... Wooooo.... The want i long time nv eat de... So miss it... Haha....

Ok la.. if got pic or tml buy bed frame will upload de.. Haha

And.. NOBODY TAG ME!!! So sad!!!

2009-08-13T18:11:00.000+08:00

Edited yesterday when i am bored... Nice ma??

Ramdo pic jus taken!!!

Taken At Malaysia.. Fireworks.. Not really nice for photos but is damn nice when u see it with ur own EYES!!!

Today was ok...

Something Gui Gui happened...

I think... My Papa noe about my thing... Not sure.. Jus guese only...

Than today not long ago... He ask me tml go change my number and let me change phone... Oh gosh... I am SCARED!!!!

Many things happen lately... As i think is cause last weekend i went malaysia... Than i drunk... Than.... Say wrong things out.. That DA TA... Am dead... So dead!!!

Haha... Venassa say i am thinking too much.... Ask me think POSTITIVE... My gosh.. I am FAINTING!!!

But change number also good... Let the past be the history of my life and let me learn from it...

Tml than update again ba.. Bye bye... Muhaha!!!

2009-08-12T13:29:00.001+08:00

Getting over...

NOt cant bear to let go of him..

Is cant bear to let go of the little one...

Lots... Thousands millions and many many regrets... But i cant do anything... I will move on... To look forward for another one in my near future....

Maybe losing is another way of learning.. Learning to know what to do the next time round... And learning what is his true colour... Damn fuck up with him... Knowing the true is the best of all he give me...

Thanks lot ass hole... U will be remembered....

2009-08-11T17:43:00.000+08:00

Dont wanna talk...

All the things from the start till now is jus a lie... I am like jus woke up from a long beautyfull dream... Cant accept it yet...

Will upload some pic some time later... No mood for everything...

2009-08-08T15:04:00.000+08:00

I wan to live good... Maybe staying alive i really will get a chance to have my little one again... I told my little one... One day.. When i am able to feed u.. Come back to me.. I told my little one... I will study hard.. I cant keep you because i need to study... I hope my little one can understand...

Little one.. I really hope u will understand... I will miss u.. Remember u... Nobody will forget u...

OK... Not goonna update about little one anymore i hope so....

Gonna go Malaysia later... Bye bye Singapore... Lol.. Haha.. Tml Singapore birthday la... Lol... How u all spend ur long weekend? I oversea... Go play.. Relax myself... Too many bad things happened... And its all over.. I will start a fresh..

Dum dum, Yok Chan THANKS Alot Alot.. When i am so damn down You all are there for me... THANKS..... LOve u ppl(: Haha...

Somethngs even i dont bear to let go.. Its still gone.. No point standing here and get hurt... I rather move on.. It might be painful.. But atleast after a while it will be ok...

I have lots of thanks to almost everyine around me... Even Him...
Thanks for being there for me, comfort me when i am down, sad, depress, Stress out..... Thanks lots.. Thank him for letting me noe how he is really like.. Selfish... Cant live in poor... Money face... Damn CB... Forget it.. On fire again... But his image on my mind will nv change... Cause when he care... He love.. His angry... And all those feeling we have is true.. Really thank him... I noe he do many things for my good... No bad... Thanks...

2009-08-07T18:52:00.000+08:00

I dont noe what can i update...... I dont feel like updating... I have been hold by him so long.. and follow him... But now... I am alone.. Walking alone.. Feel so lost... Dont noe where can i move to... No one is there to guide me... I am use to being with him.. following him...

I am so stress out... I dont noe what to do... How I wish I will jus leave... And nv come back... Why everythings jus come one shot go... I cant take it... I really cant... My heart is aching and its broken... I start to lost my breath... I start to think.... When am I gonna die? Will I be able to meet my little one? I lost control of myself... I lost temper... I hate everything around me... I hate Myself... I even hate to talk... I hate to cry.. I hate to think back.. I hate to miss my little one... I hate it... I even hate him...

Why? Why he jus cant fit into my shoe and think how will i feel? I dont noe what u said is true or not.. It also doesnt matter anymore.. He ended the way he wan.. Is jus like a chinese soung... I let him chose the way he want to end.... He make me fall... But now.. He wan me to climb up myself... I got cuts...Blue blacks... Achs... I am hurt.. All over my body... I really cant hold long... I am gonna give up.. And drown...

When i am at those high floor... When i have damager stuffs with me.. I start to think.. Should I do it? I am really gonna go crazy.. Really... Why? I give in so much and we are so ok in the past.. Jus cause of money jus cause u cant live without what u have in the past... u chose to end our relationship... U think is worth it... U wan it to be worth it...

I really wish my little one will bring me go!!! I can sleep and nv wake up... I am cry and go blind.. I can listen to MP3 till i am deaf... I can eat wrong food and go mute... I can lost both hand... Best is.. I can spoiled my brain and lost my memory... And start fresh... So that i wont see u hear ur voice cant talk to u cant contact u and dont remember u.. That will be good for both of us...

Little one... Hold on a little while more.. I will be meeting u soon.... Wait for me ok.. I miss u.. I wan u my little wan....

I really dont noe what am i now.. A bitch? A third party? I am both.. I am a BITCH and third party...

2009-08-04T21:29:00.001+08:00

Sorry readers... As i didnt post for long time...

Got no mood for it... But now feeling better.. Slightly better... Everything is fine with me... Still alive.. But when I am gonna die.. I have no idea... Feeling giddy this two days... Wasnt really well... Haha...

Mood isnt real good today... Cause of what happen in the morning... Jus one last thing.. Why cant i keep it? You ass-hole... Jus last thing u also wan keep... Why cant give me?? I will keep it properly de... Pls la....

Nvm.. I noe u wont.. You *&^%$......... Arggggggggg........

Dont noe what will happen next...

Can something real good happen.. Currently.. Everythings seem sooooooooooooooo BAD!!!

2009-07-30T18:17:00.001+08:00

Time really fly.. So fast it is already 30 days... I noe its around me watching me... But i think its not blessing us... Ppl also comfort me with if u both have fate..... I noe u all dont wan me to be sad... But this is the fact... If there is if... Things wont go this way...

I try pulling myslef up.. But i cant cause i ahave already fall deep down... When i tell him that i am in pain again.. He called... I dont noe what it really mean.. I have already try my best... I dont even think we can meet again.. When i said i am telling u for the last time.. U jus angry and tell me that i should leave u alone till u settle ur problems. than u say if i keep behave like this is u will scare. and hard to meet anymore...

U wan me to understand how u feel.. than wat about me?? Who noe how i felt?? When times i am sad.. I cry on my own.. comfort myself.. I dont noe how i can say out the feeling i have... But at least.. Some one is there to hear me cry.. But the person is not u... Everytime.. Its either yok chan or sakinah... Why??

Do u noe what i need now? He really make me hate him... but at the same time i love him...

Now the only thing i wish is i can simply... Lost my memory...

2009-07-29T21:09:00.003+08:00

Current Mood....Not clear...

Was like trying so hard to not cry.. But I cried...

I dont noe what to do... I dont even noe what really happening to you.. I dont noe which is true which is not...

We break up... And what u said... Its already impossible for both of us...
I dont noe what he is thinking... I wan to noe.. But i cant...

ppl tell me he will come back... Will he...

I noe i shouldnt still hold it... I cant bear to let it go... Its hard.. Really hard....

The more i pushed myslef... The more pain i am suffering... I noe i shouldnt rush.. But its really hard for me to stay at where i am now...

2009-07-28T17:03:00.001+08:00

Haiz... Blogger is still not normal.. I still cant change the colour and the front size and the front type...

got injection on my left arm yesterday... Pain...

I am starting to let go of him...

need my friend around to get me move on...

currently i am transfering m love from him to my friends... rather than being sad all day.. i mus as well be happy right...

OK la..
I got to go le..
byebye...

Sakinah.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

Maybe I jus cant let go... Its really hard... Really really hard... I wan to move on... I wan to...

2009-07-24T19:32:00.000+08:00

I dont noe how i am feeling now..

Sad or someting.. I dont noe..

One thing i noe is that my heart is painful...

2009-07-23T15:18:00.002+08:00

There is Problems with this blogger websit is it?? I cant post my post with coloured front.. Or is it my lappy got problem??

Haiz... STUPID...

I am so lost.. I dont wanna noe anything la...

I have plan already...

Me and him.. from yesterday already over.. Game over...

Now.. I will study first... Cause for the time being.. I still cant let him go... When i recover from this big bomb which exploded in my heart... I will than consider....

2009-07-22T14:42:00.003+08:00

He wont be forgiven and forgotten...

Now no matter what he say.. I wont believe anymore....

I hate him...

Liar...

Do i look like those who is easily tricked?

Nth much liao.. no mood to continue either...

its already 12 weeks...

and its 73 post...

23 days...

Change my URL... Cause first yok chan ask me too... As i can start a fresh...

2009-07-21T20:37:00.002+08:00

EVERYTHING IS JUS A LIE...

EVERYTHING IS OVER NOW...

HE LIE TO ME ALL THE WAY...

I NEED A BREAK.. A LONG WANT...

I WILL M.I.A FOR A WHILE...

WONT BE POSTING.. BUT WILL IF I HAVE THE MOOD TO.

2009-07-21T18:01:00.002+08:00

21 days

Not gonna count down anymore...

I dont noe which of u is real.. I hate it so much... I lost hope in you. Lost faith... Maybe if tml we meet it maybe the last time...

See will u hold me or not... If u dont .. I will noe what u mean...

Later... I will be asking someone to help and check... By that time.. Everything I will noe le...

I did so much.. But wat i get is all this.. I cant accept it.. All the things is jus a lie...

I hate you!!

You took away my everything... U Idiot...

2009-07-20T17:24:00.002+08:00

70th post

20 days

11 weeks 5 days

86 days

No idea wat to post..

I am waiting....

I am scared..