Pauline's

My mind... Something wrong le... I dont know why... Haiz... Is it because of him??? I wonder... I think so... I cant confirm... I am scared... I am scared i may not be able to accept the true... I am scared that all the things i thought of will be real.. I know i have to accept it.. But.. i just cant.. I dont want to accept it.. I dont want to face the fact... Am i trying to hurt myself in this way... mentally i know i cant do this... this is my life principle... I cant know and just keep quite... And let it go on the wrong way... I dont know what should i do... If i ask... What will he say?? I got no proof say that he is like that... Not at all.. Is just my feeling... But... If i ask. I think the answer i get will be the same as the want i get the year before when i ask the same question.... Many things i knew.. But i just keep quite.. cause.. i just dont want to loss him.... I relay too much on him... every little thing i tell him... every little illness i have i will tell him... Everything... I hate to look at our past... I hate that fucking flash back i have... I hate to pass by the place we went together... Cause.. I will miss you badly... The more i miss u.. The more pain i get... I dont that feeling... When i got the chance to meet you.. I hope and pray that time will just simply stop here... No matter what the things we are ddoing.. I just want to be with you... Do you know?? I dont know... Every time i will tell my friend... the one who are not involved can see better than those who are involved... That is what people tell me.... Can anyone tell me what can i do? And what should i do? Why cant i just be as brave as i am in the past that i can forget that person and just treat him as friends? My friends are herer 24/7 to support me no matter the things i do... But i just cant... I tried.. But cant... why?? Maybe his sweet talking is too powerful? I dont know... Nobody can give me the answer.. But only him... Maybe like what HQ say.. Are u willing to let ppl say u are the third party? My ans is no.. But when it come to him.. I dont know... I dont want to destroy peoples family... Maybe his partner know but just keep quite? I dont know.. Or maybe he doesnt have a family yet?? Is hard to say... Haiz... My life just rot and spoiled... I hate to love... I tell friends.. chose the want who loves u.. and not wait for the one who u love and know that its imposible.. but what about me? I know how to say.. But i cant do it.. I cant apply the thing on myself... I am just that idiot... Just that stupid....