68 th post

18 days

11 weeks 3 days

88 days...

I dont noe how.. Dont noe what to do.. Dont even noe should i think so far... I am scared...

My heart is totally gone.. Missing... cause my heart is with him... I dont noe will i be able to recover or over come with it...

What i wish now is he can have a better life... everything he do can goes smoothly.. Nth goes in to my mind... Monday i have science test.. I dont even bother to go even look at the book.. I have no mood for all this...

What i worry now is him Him HIM....

All the things now need thing to get over it and over come it...

Holy god... Please bless that everything he do will go on smoothly. And thanks lord for your blessing... Amen...

67th post

17 days

11 weeks 2 days...

I am sad.. Down depressed... When he tell me he is stress.. I dont noe how to help... Worries all the night.. He say monday than contact me.. I dont noe... I am scared... I dont noe what else i can do but wait and do as he says... 89 more days... I am counting down.. to bad thing or good thing i dont noe... I am really really scared...

School was ok... Jus that i suddenly stress out and didnt talk to anyone...

I want a better life.. I want me and him have a better life.. Suddenly i feel sp bad.. I think of the past i regreted so much... I hate it.. I hate this kind of feeling... I jus wanna be with him... Is it really hard?

Baby... Pls forgives us... Maybe I am too supernature or watever.. But when yok chan tell me... I am shock and start to think.. Is that real? I dont noe...

Too many dont noe... I am totally stress out...

And Amber thanks(: All the best to you.... I will be fine...

66th Post...

16 days...

11 weeks 1 day...

Today I dont noe whats wrong with me.. Mood swim here and there...

I dont noe what i should post and what i can post... My mind now is BLANK....

I have to wait for 90 days to meet him...

I AM GOING CRAZY!!!!

65th post

15 days

if it still with me is already 12 weeks....

I didnt think much nor do much today.. Sleep during lesson... Having bad mood as i have to wait 3 months than can meet him cause of some reason of both of us... HAiz... Its killing me.. I noe it is some sort like a punishment for us both.... I cant complain but to accept it...

School was boring.. Anyway.. its all the way de... Than i keep listening music... I jus dont wanna talk but to listen LOUD and FAST songs... I am totally stress out... I regretted so much... How i wish i can rewind everything that i have regretted so much...

My life isnt normal like what i have in the past...

I dont wan anything what i only wan is him to be with me and we have what we had in the past...

I am starting to flash back.. But i noe... I have to accept the facts....

64th Post

14 Days

If it still in... Is about 10 weeks and 6 days....

I start to miss it... Its baby.... I miss baby... I dont noe.. May be too many things happen.. So... Ya.. I will be strong.. and i have to be...

My dear... No matter wat happen.. And wat have to happen next.. I will stay with you... Loving you.... Although u cant and wont be able to see it... I miss him so much...

My tears almost row down when i walk pass all the place we have been to.. Have spend there too...

will update till here...

This isnt pain.. I noe, i am foolish, Silly....

But this is painful...

He told me everything.. I am uncomfortable.. But i have to accept it... No mater what happen and what thing have to be like.. I will stay with him... This is what i chose and the answer I have given to him...

I dont noe what should I do now.. Later and after it... I am like lost... Totally lost...

When will I be able to meet him again? 1 day? 1 month or more... I am scare... I dont noe who i can go to....

I am always acting so strong in front of all of you.. But I am not.. I dont noe why.. Maybe i dont wanna let you all worry..

Cause now at this point of moment.. I can do anything.. Even kill someone.. I can.. Because i am out of control... I am like a mad girl.. Talking to my soft toys.. My bear.. Even myself... I talk to everything when I am alone... How am I gonna live on like this??

What I really need now... Is a ear to listen to me and a shoulder for me... Maybe that can help a bit...

I cried the whole night thinking.. Why? Why this is happening to me.. Is this a challenge for me and him?? I dont noe.. How i wish I can do as I say... walk one step, count one step...

I gave him the notes i wrote for him... He tell me he is touch... I dont really hear what he had say... But i have told him this.. If u wanna throw away or whatever.. Is up to yo.. Than he never say anything but just keep asking.. When you wrote this... Than i say recently... Than off we go.. Separate ways...

One thing... We didnt broke up.. Just.. Is too complicated... Nobody can noe.. And nobody should noe...

63th post

13 days...

62th post...

12 days....

I wanna stop my brain from thinking or working...
So I wont be so stress...
I wanna stop my heart from beating...
So I wont be so in pain...
I wanna stop breathing...
So I can stop living....

I am seriously tired...

I dont noe what can i do.. Should i help him in that way? I dont noe.. I dont wan... I dont noe why is him doing all this to himself... If not that day he called.. I dont even noe that... I dont noe what can i do... I dont wanna give up.. I love him....