Pauline's

This isnt pain.. I noe, i am foolish, Silly....

But this is painful...

He told me everything.. I am uncomfortable.. But i have to accept it... No mater what happen and what thing have to be like.. I will stay with him... This is what i chose and the answer I have given to him...

I dont noe what should I do now.. Later and after it... I am like lost... Totally lost...

When will I be able to meet him again? 1 day? 1 month or more... I am scare... I dont noe who i can go to....

I am always acting so strong in front of all of you.. But I am not.. I dont noe why.. Maybe i dont wanna let you all worry..

Cause now at this point of moment.. I can do anything.. Even kill someone.. I can.. Because i am out of control... I am like a mad girl.. Talking to my soft toys.. My bear.. Even myself... I talk to everything when I am alone... How am I gonna live on like this??

What I really need now... Is a ear to listen to me and a shoulder for me... Maybe that can help a bit...

I cried the whole night thinking.. Why? Why this is happening to me.. Is this a challenge for me and him?? I dont noe.. How i wish I can do as I say... walk one step, count one step...

I gave him the notes i wrote for him... He tell me he is touch... I dont really hear what he had say... But i have told him this.. If u wanna throw away or whatever.. Is up to yo.. Than he never say anything but just keep asking.. When you wrote this... Than i say recently... Than off we go.. Separate ways...

One thing... We didnt broke up.. Just.. Is too complicated... Nobody can noe.. And nobody should noe...

63th post

13 days...